Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
