I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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