it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
