he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
