I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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