sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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