i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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