I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize