My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Randomize
