Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Found the puke drawer
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
