Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Mom said you looked used
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
