I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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