So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize