at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
