Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize