life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Randomize
