I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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