i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
