the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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