god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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