Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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