i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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