I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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