Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
