My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'd cum for enchiladas.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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