I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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