she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
