CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
