cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
