All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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