PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
