what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
