I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
