Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
