Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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