I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
