yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
