What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize