my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
