so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
