You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
