After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
