The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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