While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
