Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
