So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
