arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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