Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
