Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
