Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
