Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
