I just made out with a guy for $7.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Randomize
