Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
that may or may not have been my penis.
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