We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
sex in a hospital.. check
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
