Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
