"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
