Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
