he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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