NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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