Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
