It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
