You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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