why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
