11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize