She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize