Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
