my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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