i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
