I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
