You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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