Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
