we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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